God's

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The feeling of not being able to do anything other than offer words of solace and condolences that your friend have already received more than enough for the day sucks. The feeling of not knowing what to do, the feeling of not being able to be physically there for her. It's like with the passing of P again, only this time it hits closer to home that it scares me. I can't even begin to imagine the thought. May God grant the family the strength they need for this will be the time that they need it the most. 

.إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعونَ

F, we love you. To the core. 

Gem that is Music.

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I never given much attention to Park Hyo Shin. Heck, I knew him from the I'm sorry I love you drama and his song Snow Flower will forever be one of my favourite but that is the extent of my knowledge about him. Recently, I just got the hunch to browse his musics, and I came across another masterpiece from this heavenly voiced individual, which I will forever be in awe over. The music video is so simple, no story line needed, just him sitting singing, and a pianist playing along. Just when I thought the song couldn't get any better, the live version. Oh my God, I can't say enough things about the live perf. How he was just so into the song, with his eyes closed for the most part of his singing, and the tears at the end. That is singing. Sometimes, after watching too much performances that needed so many gimmicks; too much dancers, props, skimpy outfits, etc, a simple one where only music is involved is much needed and let me tell you, Park Hyo Shin will give you just that. Watch the performance. I don't care if you don't listen to korean songs and don't understand a word, just watch and get my feels because Park Hyo Shin is a gem that needs to be shared, not that he is not known enough. Enjoy.

 
 

Mundane

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You know that immense amount of self-doubt you have hours or days before stepping into the exam room; be it written or practical? Yup. That's me EVERYTIME. It eats away at my confidence not all at ones but bit by bit until the time comes for me to face the music. But Alhamdulillah, OSCE WENT SO WELL! Can't even believe myself. It's like some kind of ghost just possessed me; especially during our Contact Lens OSCE, one station after another, things just glides on like a flowing river. Can't thank anyone better than God for giving me the wisdom and strength to carry on. This means only one thing, that I get to go back to my hometown according to schedule omg!!! No remedial exams! Yay! Been away from my family for almost 4 to 5 months now that it is driving me insane. They are so far yet so close I can't even deal with being away from them this long. Usually before going back I would have this mental note of what I will be doing once I'm home. Not all will be fulfilled given other activities such as Eid, which I will be celebrating with them loved ones and more. But some of the notes are;

  • New songs to practice on my piano and guitar; much dreaded by my sister xD Sorry sis, DEAL WITH IT! 
  • Baking, baking and baking. 
  • Cafe hoping with le friends (missing them so much it hurts my soul)
  • TV shows (We have tv in our rent house but it's just there, no one watches it)
  • Following dad from town to town for his events (road trips are awesome I tell you, nothing compares)
  • Salted egg yolk custard pau (I NEED THIS, I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH)
  • Play and hang out with le kitties to my hearts content
  • Just be at home and be myself with my loved ones around me 
Nothing beats being home and knowing all is well and that you can sleep, like really sleep without worrying about commitments and all that bullshit. I always wanted a place to myself, I still do, but everybody knows that nothing beats having your family around. I can already imagine me coming home at odd hours from my future place (Inshaa Allah xD) just to feel the presence of my family and knowing they are there. It is the biggest blessing anyone can ever get in this dark and twisted world that gets ugly day by day, with all the current happenings. And if God wills me the time and effort of updating this blog during the holidays, I might slip a post or two haha. Not that anyone cares but yeah. My space, my blog. Anyway, gotta finish my notes! Exam is FAR from being over and the dreaded last paper syndrome is already upon me from OSCE being over xD. Bye!

Places to visit

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DISCLAIMER; None of the pictures posted here is mine unless stated otherwise. These are images found on the internet from various websites where you will be directed to by opening the intended images in a new tab. Full credit belongs to the owner of the images respectively. 

Since I was a little girl, I always have this wonderlust spirit in me. Instead of binging on Disney channel I would watch National Geographic endlessly with Daddy by my side, talking only when needed, aka he wanted hot coffee or when it gets too late into the night and I have school tomorrow. Those were some of the memories. I'm sure every other people too want to travel the world, I know this is not new. But one thing I discovered from what I heard from my friends are, most of them don't share the same wonderlust as I do. As in how is the places they want to visit would never match up to the places I want to visit? I was confused at first but down the line I figured, if that's going to make me different than others, it couldn't be a bad thing can it? Enough rambling, here is my list of countries I hope I could at least see before I die, God's willing. 

1. Africa
http://aboutkazakhstan.com/images/kazakhstan-people-views-7.jpghttp://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/11/14/1415981996796_wps_157_Pic_By_HotSpot_Media_GOLD.jpg

http://www.flyladylori.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/turkana-kenya-people-585x585.jpg

Fed by countless hours watching Animal Planet (we miss you Steve Irwin), National Geographic, one can't possibly not imagine the day spent amongst the wild animals in the vast African safari and deserts watching the sunset and sunrise on the sand dunes. Till this day I never stopped hoping for the day I get to set foot on the land where Pumba and Timon is born ( #childhooddream xD) and sleep with the sound of the lions growl and the hoot of the owl. Besides that, the culture; the tribe, the people, the warriors, the arts and crafts that is so full of colour never failed to amaze me, witnessing everything up close would be a dream come true for the little girl in me.  

2. Amazon Rainforest
http://www.scoopify.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/Amazon-rainforest-facts-13.jpg

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/48/f0/82/48f082f5af45371e65e47d1b090f74de.jpg

 Also dates back to my childhood of binging on National Geographic, just watching without fully understanding what is happening, all I remember was how in awe I was with the beauty of the Amazon natives. If you showed any of the pics to kids my age, I dare say all the feedback you will get is about how ugly or stupid they look in their costumes. That always had me pissed off and sad that I couldn't share my thoughts on the beauty of their culture and the native themselves to my friends without being mocked in the end. Not blowing my own horn but honestly that is how I felt watching them growing up. I do hope I would get the chance to see the tribes and listen to their stories, their fight in protecting the fragile rainforest they call home. It is so sad to hear about another new threat of deforestation everyday. There was a video I watched about a native complaining that the weather is no longer predictable and a significant rise in the temperature can be felt. That video was uploaded years before I watched it years back. I can't imagine what it must felt  like now where last year in 2015 was the recorded highest temperature rise ever. It is so so sad to know that greed is winning. In God's will, I hope I would get the chance to set foot in this beautiful and bountiful place on earth.

3. Mongolia
http://www.tours2mongolia.com/uploads/news/78e65665c2581b1b6d9d5783ade8fa0559f9dfec.jpg 

 http://www.projects-abroad.org/_photos/destinations/mongolia/volunteering-in-mongolia.1200.jpg

 My geography is not the best, don't judge me xD. But I just recently found out that you could see Mount Everest from both Nepal and Mongolia, explains the wonderlust I have for this place. I don't know why but it's not that I am totally not interested in the places but the people always have attracted me in a way. Their way of life, how they manage to maintain their culture of being nomadic (for those who still), their relationship with animals, the monks and their infamous abilities to heal, or levitate. I always have this yearning to visit every natives that still live out the traditional ways of living to every country I visit which till this day hasn't come true yet sadly. But I do hope with all my heart to one day have the chance to visit and experience the culture at least once in my life. Watching a monk levitate right in-front of my eyes would be the most awesome experience ever don't you think? I might also get the chance to learn how to throat sing whilst drinking yak milk.

4. Nepal
http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/03326/nepal-stupa_3326540b.jpg 

http://www.nepalmountainnews.com/cms/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Nepal-BVH-00087833-1680x1050.jpg

 It is devastating to know that the earthquake that hit Nepal has ruined most of  the famous landmarks in Kathmandu and that I won't be able to see it in its original form but everything happens for a reason. If God wills it, it will happen. I just wish I could set foot on this country and explore before anymore destruction or the effect of modernization takes over all the beautiful cultures and traditions. That is actually my worst fear, to at last set foot to a country a little too late where the cultures and traditions will already be on the verge of extinction.

5. Fiji

https://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/07/9b/71/aa/traditional-fijian-spear.jpg

http://matangi-island-fiji-resort.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Matangi-Brides-Maids.jpg

Known as the cheaper and less crowded version of Hawaii, why not? I'm all for less known places, where the cultures are still pretty much alive.

6. Kazakhstan
 
http://aboutkazakhstan.com/images/kazakhstan-people-views-7.jpg 

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/11/14/1415981996796_wps_157_Pic_By_HotSpot_Media_GOLD.jpg

This one, I fell in love with in the recent years. I learnt about this country and their cultures recently during one my dad's annual international cultural events where dancers from all over the world come to Sabah for a traditional dance and culture competition. Besides the extravagant costumes and elaborate dances which basically floored everyone that one year they managed to snag not only the Best Costume award; again, but also as the overall winner, it is the look of the people. Let me just say, they are a bunch of beautiful people. Seriously, I couldn't even stop starring at the dancers and knowing that they also live amongst beautiful mountains further fuels my fascination for this country.

 To be honest, there are more countries that I wish to visit and maybe I will slowly add them up to this post or maybe make another post. It is the wish of everybody in the world today I believe to eventually make enough and finally have the courage to explore this wonderful world of God's but we all know that that is easier said than done. I have tons of plans for when I enter the working world where I won't have to depend on my parents for income but God knows how much of that will be fulfilled once the workload comes crashing down. I just wish that when the right opportunity arises that I will have the courage and sources to make it happen. Inshaa Allah.

First Patient

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You know how you got everything mapped and planned out in your head and when the time comes to bring that thought into life you just blank out? That's what happened during my first experience with an outside patient. As an optometry student, we are required to perform an eye routine examination on a certain number of patients to graduate and for that, our University makes it a requirement for us starting on Semester 6 till the last semester, Semester 8 to sort of gradually build our numbers up slowly so that we won't go crazy haha.

As expected, I was terrified. Before this, all of us only practiced our skills amongst ourselves, making the tasks easy actually because all of us know what to expect, the right kind of response etc which makes it 10x scarier to face the unknown xD. But the day comes and of course, my friend that I asked weeks before if she could come and be our patient decided to bail and my partner and I are left patient-less, ON THE FIRST DAY! Thanks a lot -.-' But thank God my classmate's friend brought along another friend which I held on for dear life hoping he'll agree; actually forced him to agree to be our patient and the day was saved! Hallelujah! Alhamdulillah!

After the brief introductions and etc comes the part where we had to take the history taking and that is when I just went BLANK. It's like there's nothing in my head. Everything we've been preparing for, for weeks, just poof-ed! Into thin air! I was left at the mercy of my partner, F. She took over and performed the 1st half of the examinations while I watch and repeatedly played the scene of me getting tongue tied in-front of our newly "captured" patient in my head a thousand times. It was humiliating.

But by the end of the day, I finally wrapped my head around and accepted the fact that, what happened was all part of learning. We were at the very beginning stage of being exposed to the outside world where not everything we do is known, where from the very basics of taking the visual acuity measurement of the eyes is something to be explained to the patient, and where our medical jargon may sound like a foreign language for some. What's important is that I take the lesson and make an effort to improve. No point in beating myself up for what is done. And believe it or not, after letting that fact sink in, I was left feeling more motivated for our next patient, and exhausted by the end of the day. One fun fact, both male patients that we performed the routine eye examination on have prettier eyelashes than me and my partner combined and they don't even know it xD. How unfair the world is hahaha! I'm out!


Can't wait to be home. I MISS HOME!

5.16am

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"Yeah, well, I shut everybody out. Don’t take it personally. It’s just easier." 

"It’s also really lonely."

Sewol

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There were alot of speculation about this song and music video being a tribute to the Sewol Ferry Tragedy which happened on 16th April 2014. Being a mere spectator while the tragedy happened, it didn't seem real. I mean I know it happened but at first I felt nothing, as harsh as it sound. Like what Lady Gaga said, "You wouldn't know until it happens to you". It didn't hit home like the MH370 and MH17 did. But recently I got the chance to visit Seoul and it hit me. Was casually walking along the Gwanghwamun plaza after a failed visit to the Gyeongbokgung Palace. When we saw there were lots of police officers there the only thought was there's going to be a demonstration because there were buses and traffic was sort of being controlled in a way.

It hit us hard since we weren't expecting it in the slightest bit. We were having the time of our lives experiencing the cold winter, visiting places, making memories that when we passed the altar it was like a slap on our faces. Looking at the pictures of the students and the teachers that was assembled on the altar, the lump in my throat couldn't be more prominent. They looked happy, like there's no worries. Like the last thing they have to worry about is whether the rescue boat will get to them in time before the ferry sinks. Especially their first year pictures together. Omg, I can't even describe the feeling. The happiness in their eyes. My heart aches for them. It really does.

I don't know much about the tragedy but one thing I know is how the captain of the ferry told all the passengers to stay still while he makes a run for it which is a super cowardly move. It is so twisted and cold. But in the end, it is human nature. I'm not saying what he did was right, but for me to talk down on him and his actions, what if the situation is reversed onto me? What would I do? Would I be in my right state of mind to make the right decision? In fight or flight situation, God only knows what us humans would do. All I can say is may the families of the deceased finds the strength to forgive, let go and move on.

"Sometimes a question comes to mind. If I had been in a situation like that, would I have acted the same way? How can I answer such a question? I don't think I would have had the moral strength to do it, in all honesty. Maybe. Did he know he had the strength? How can you know? How can you recognize the moment of truth when you can sacrifice yourself, sacrifice the only life you have for someone else? There's no answer to that question. Or a question others can answer. But this question must be asked." - Ruth, Human The Movie